At different times in life, you reach a moment where you want to start a new relationship.
Perhaps you’ve been in a long-term partnership that’s come to an end, or maybe you’ve been single for a while but now feel there’s time in your life for some dating – and who knows where it will lead.
Once you’ve decided you want to find someone to go out with, there’s a possibility you
might rush things and start dating random people where there’s little chance of it developing into anything meaningful. While you may be ok with this concept to start with, you may regret it longer-term. Instead take a step back and think about what you want before you start trying to find a date. But how exactly do you do that?
The way to approach it
Before you think about finding people to date, it’s a good idea to run a quick status check – are you the kind of person you’d like to be dating? There’s no point throwing yourself into the dating market if you’re not going to give off the right vibes and are someone that others want to be around.
If you’ve just come out of a relationship, you might not be in the best frame of mind to go looking for another one. Take things slowly, and don’t feel that you have to get straight back into the dating game.
Make sure that you feel good about yourself. This might be a combination of both your physical appearance and your outlook on life. You could think about changing your hairstyle or updating your wardrobe, or getting down to the gym to get in shape. Treat yourself to a mini-makeover and you’ll get a boost from doing so. We’re not talking about drastic changes here; just taking the chance to give yourself a fresh new look, maybe something you’d always wanted to try. By doing so, you’ll feel good about yourself and that in itself makes you more attractive to others.
More fundamental is your perspective on life. If you tend to be one of life’s grumblers, this could be something that puts people off going out with you. While you might not be able to change your circumstances, you can change the way you view them. For instance, don’t see a big workload as a drag, look at it as an opportunity to show your colleagues (and your boss) how capable you are. Attacking your day with gusto will actually make it go better. Similarly, if you’re surrounded by people who moan about life, that negativity can rub off on you. Decide whether you need to expand your social circle and find some people who are more fun to be with. The more optimistic you are, exuding cheerfulness and positive energy, the more attractive a proposition you will be.
You feel ready – so how do you meet new people?
While you might feel ready to find a new partner, you need to create opportunities to meet new people. Of course, maybe your friends already have the perfect person they want to match up you up with, but the chances of the two of you hitting it off and becoming an item are slim, so you will probably need more ways of running into like-minded people.
If you’re into your fitness, the gym or running track can be a great place to meet new people. And you’ll have a mutual interest straight away. Even if you’re new to the world of working out and don’t want to go into a gym just yet, there are always less strenuous alternatives like joining a yoga class or trying out pilates. Going at a regular time every week will increase your chances of running into the same people and getting to know them before and after class.
Of course, there are many apps that give you ways of connecting with new people, whether you go for an out and out dating one, or one like Badoo that’s also about hooking up to socialize with people who are in your local area, as well as finding a potential date. The great advantage of online dating is that you get to have a good look at a person’s profile before deciding if you want to meet up with them. While it may lack some of the mystique of a blind date, there’s a lower chance of going to meet someone who you won’t enjoy hanging out with.
Another way to tap into a new social circle is to make use of a prop like a cute dog. Have you noticed how sociable dog owners always seem to be with other people walking their dogs in the park? If you don’t have your own dog, you could always borrow a friend’s dog and see who you run into. Of course, kids are great ice-breakers too, so don’t forget if you’re already a parent, you might meet other people in a similar boat to you when you’re out having fun with the kids. You never know when you and a potential partner’s paths might cross.
It’s not always necessary to focus on searching for someone; you might find someone while you’re doing something entirely altruistic – like helping out in a local community event or if you volunteer on a regular basis. If you enjoy helping out others, you’ll be spending time with other likeminded people, and even if none of your contacts turns out to be a romantic one, you’ll be widening the possibilities of meeting other new people as your social circle grows.
Relax and stop looking
If you’ve made up your mind that you need to find someone to date or perhaps start a long-term relationship with, you immediately put a level of expectation that it will happen and subconsciously put pressure on yourself. But love’s not like that; it doesn’t come along just because you want it to. Instead, take a step back and try not to worry about what’s going to happen. Focus on making the most out of your free time, meeting new people and doing new things. Romance may blossom somewhere along the line, but even if it doesn’t your life will become more interesting and more fun.