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Say ‘No’ To Abuse: Here are 4 Ways to Exit a Toxic Relationship!

Learn ways to exit an abusive relationship safely

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Toxic Relationship
Ways to exit a toxic relationship safely. Pixabay
  • One should accept one’s presence in an abusive relationship
  • Make arrangements to flee and keep your family safe
  • Reach out organizations created for this purpose

July 19, 2017: People comfort themselves by giving various reasons to justify staying in an abusive relationship but one of the common excuses is fear. Fear of an emotional breakdown, fear of physical violence, fear of not being able to leave the relationship safely,  fear of instability, or fear of being unable to survive on our own. However, one can easily overcome such fears. There exist ways to safely exit a toxic relationship and putting a red light on domestic violence. The following tips can help one overcome the trauma that one has been going through.

ACKNOWLEDGE THE EXISTENCE OF ABUSE

Firstly, one needs to acknowledge the fact that one is experiencing abuse in their relationship. There can be different types of abuse, for instance, sexual, physical, mental, financial, or a combination. It is essential for the victim to accept that they are not being treated properly as it can enable them with the power to exit even if the situation makes them feel ashamed.

REACH OUT FOR HELP

It is not necessary for everyone to have their family or friends besides them or they may not be the best resource but one is never alone. There are various organizations designed especially to help those suffering abuse in relationships.

There exist places owned by these organizations which provide emergency shelters to you and your family. They provide individual therapy, group therapy, providing food and clothing and help with the legal matter.

ALSO READ: Violence against Women and Girls Imposes Large-scale Costs on Families, Communities, and Economies, says UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon

CREATE AN EXIT STRATEGY

Preparing a strategy can help you have everything in place so that you can leave for your own good. Some of the guidelines are as follows:

  • Speak to someone trustworthy and let them know your plan. For example, making a code word for text if you are need help immediately
  •  Documenting the abuse can be really helpful. Preserve any proof of physical abuse (like photos), a book of all incidences noting carefully events, dates, and threats), or a record of a doctor’s visit
  •  Plans should be shared with children and they should be provided with reassurance that they should keep themselves safe and not try and protect you

You must be prepared if you plan to leave sooner than expected. You must make a plan immediately for such a situation-

  •  Know the number of local battered shelter for women in your area
  • Park your car in the driveway, keeping it fueled. The driver’s door must be unlocked and other doors locked
  • Keep money aside with family or trusted friends
  •  Pack a bag containing IDs, extra keys, birth certificates, social security cards, marriage license, credit cards, clothes, medications, shoes, banking information — anything which is significant to you and stores them at a friend or neighbor’s house
  •  Have essential phone numbers noted somewhere except your phone
  •  If you have time, also take titles, Citizenship documents, medical records, deeds, property information, insurance information, children’s immunization and school records, and welfare identification

STAYING SAFE AFTER YOU LEAVE

The need to be aware of your surroundings will not stop after you have left. You will want to make sure to check off these items once you have left so that you can be safe for a long time.

If the offender is preparing to leave and you receive a restraining order:

  •  Alter your phone number and locks
  •  Change your hours of work and the route taken to go to work
  •  Alter the route to drop children to school
  •  Keep a restraining order copy with you always
  • Inform employers, neighbors, and friends that you have an effective restraining order
  •  Give its copies to friends, family, employees, neighbors, school authorities along with offender’s picture
  • For enforcing the order, contact law enforcement

If you are leaving the relationship:

  •  Think about either using the address of a friend or renting a post office box for any of your mails. Be careful while giving your new phone number and address to someone
  •  Keep the school authorities updated about the situation
  • Reschedule appointments
  • Use different social spots and stores
  • Keep neighbors alerted, and request them to reach out to the police if they sense danger
  •  Make arrangement for security systems
  •  Inform people who take care of your children and who can pick up your children. Make them understand your condition and hand them with a restraining order copy
  •  For caller ID, contact telephone company

-prepared by Harsimran Kaur of NewsGram. Twitter @Hkaur1025

 

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Post-Pulwama, Kashmir Helpline Gets Over 500 Calls

About the challenges Ladakh faces after a Pulwama-type attack, he said its economy suffers since it is almost fully dependent on tourism

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Pulwama, JeM, Terror, Kashmir
The Indian Army said that all the top leadership of the JeM outfit have been eliminated by security forces in the Kashmir Valley within 100 hours of the terror attack. Pixabay

With nationalist sentiments on a high after the suicide attack that left 40 CRPF troopers dead, it is the Kashmiris around the country who have felt the heat. Post-February 14 Pulwama attack, a helpline for students from the state in the NCR area received over 500 calls — more than 25 calls a day.

Vidushi Kapoor, Jammu and Kashmir’s Liaison Officer in-charge of Delhi-NCR area, told IANS that although no major incident was reported, she received around 500-600 calls, especially from Dehradun, from Kashmiri students saying that they are “feeling insecure”.

“Police and college authorities were very helpful. Full security and support was provided to the students at all times,” she said. However, the charged-up environment and reports from other areas has prompted many Kashmiri students to return home, she added.

“The environment has cooled down now, but two weeks were quite upsetting… the students were really scared.”

Kapoor is one of the seven Liaison Officers appointed around the country by the state government in November 2018 for support of students from the state. After the attack, their contacts were published in newspapers and social media to enable students to contact them.

More worryingly, the situation also shows that the rift between the state’s three major regions – Kashmir, Jammu and Ladakh – extends to influence the perception of their people around India.Kapoor noted that the helpline had not got a single call from any students from the Jammu region.

Meanwhile, it is those from the Kashmir Valley who are squeezed between the terror outfits and the security forces.

Noting how all this takes a mental toll on its residents, Mehr (name changed), a 21-year-old living in the Kashmir Valley, said: “We are in repressive conditions. Being surrounded by security men is normal for us…livelihood, schools being suspended is normal.”

About the Pulwama attack, she said: “Violence wouldn’t solve the issue. The attack was not a good thing” but noted that people joined militancy because of “excesses”.

Taniya Tikoo, a Kashmiri Pandit living in Delhi, said it is best for both India and Pakistan if Kashmiris are allowed to have a dialogue among themselves. “It will be a win-win situation for everyone,” she said.

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FILE – Indian paramilitary soldiers stand by the wreckage of a bus after an explosion in Pampore, Indian-controlled Kashmir, Feb. 14, 2019. VOA

People from Jammu region have a different take.

Citing the recent grenade attack in Jammu bus stand, Delhi University student Saloni, who hails from Kathua, said, “A lot of violence has shifted to Jammu (region).”

She demanded greater linkage between the state and India. “India has been investing so much… we should be integrated with the rest of the country and Articles 370, 35A (of the Constitution) should be scrapped – they have done no good so far.”

Hitu, another girl from Jammu region studying in Delhi, however, said whenever any violence takes place in Kashmir, it affects everyone including “our schools, banks, highways also close”.

She also said that people from Jammu and Ladakh region “have a general feeling of being ignored by the leaders”.

Jigmat Paljor, President of the Ladakh Student Welfare Society in Delhi, is in agreement with his Jammu counterparts – but to a point.

Paljor told IANS how his people feel alienated because with all focus on Kashmir, issues of Ladakh, which is the state’s biggest region but sparsely populated, get overlooked.

Also Read- Women of Pakistan Protest Against Workplace Harassment, Child Marriage

About the challenges Ladakh faces after a Pulwama-type attack, he said its economy suffers since it is almost fully dependent on tourism.

“And since Ladakh has a border with both Pakistan and China, there is always fear of tensions escalating….”

While Paljor maintains Kashmir is an integral part of the country, he wants Articles 370 and 35A to stay as his region “is very fragile and susceptible in terms of economy, culture, language, environment, from outside influence”. (IANS)