Monday February 18, 2019
Home Indian Diaspora ‘Meet t...

‘Meet the Patels’: In search of a desi bride

0
//

By Arun Kumar

Washington: It all began when Ravi Patel, a 30-year-old Indian-American investment banker turned Hollywood actor, pestered by his parents on a long flight to India to get married, agreed to search for his bride the ‘desi’ way.

And Ravi’s sister Geeta, just out of making a war zone documentary about Kashmir, now learning to handle the camera, started filming “half seriously” the “family affair” to find a desi partner for Ravi, who had just broken up with his white girlfriend of two years.

How what began as a family vacation video eventually turned into a hilarious romantic documentary about arranged marriages is an equally heartbreaking story as the sibling co-directors of ‘Meet the Patels’ relate it.

source: vanity fair
Ravi and Geeta Patel source: vanity fair

“When we got to India, Ravi realised that what he was going through is what so many people have gone through,” the duo told IANS on phone ahead of its Friday release in New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles. It opens in additional US markets including Washington DC, Boston, New Jersey, Philadelphia, North Carolina, Detroit, and Tampa on Sep 18.

“He felt so many people were living that story and yet no one had told it properly,” said Geeta who was equally under parental pressure to get married.

Many a film and media shows “depict arranged marriages and semi-arranged marriages in Indian culture more like a joke – like parents are weird, that kind of thing”.

“We didn’t see it that way. We felt like our parents (married through this ‘desi’ system) were the happiest people we knew,” Geeta said. “We were kind of torn because we wanted that happiness, but we didn’t know what process was really good for us to get there.”

The conversion of the home video into a documentary “just happened by accident,” said Ravi.

“It was just kind of natural evolution” with “Mom and Dad breathing down our necks as if a billion people in India care as much as they do about why we are not married.”

But despite some shaky camera work, they never thought of reshooting the film. “The documentary is so authentic and real, what happened at the moment,” according to them.

“The only stuff that we put a lot of effort was in producing animated moments,” said Ravi.

“The animation came essentially from the fact that we were making this film about our family,” added Geeta.

“In reality TV, when somebody is emotional, they just film it. But for us it’s just disrespectful to film our family going through a very difficult moment.”

But how come their parents did not appear camera conscious at all. “I know that’s crazy, right. It was so natural,” said Ravi.

“Part of it is that they never thought this project would really amount to anything – partially because of the casual way we were shooting it.”

The brother and sister team spent six years in making the film and at the end of it “nobody wanted it.” What kept them going was “Pride,” said Ravi.

“I believed in it. Even if no body watches it, I am going to be proud that I made something I like and that mattered to me.”

“We both believed in it,” chipped in Geeta.

And it was “hard, very hard” working together, said Ravi. “You know with people you love, you tend to be most vulnerable and sometimes the least
respectful and least filtered.”

“Geeta and I have all our crazy fits. But when you are working with your sister you can’t fire her. So you have to find a way to keep it going and make it work.”

“We have to make a commitment,” added Geeta. “As dad says in the movie, life is a commitment.” And after all the fights and disagreements “we have this incredible relationship we would never have dreamed of.”

So what comes next? Are they planning another joint venture on one more desi issue?

“Geeta and I are working on some projects together – some pretty exciting stuff,” said Ravi though he would not say what it was.

“I don’t think I would have chosen to work with her if you had asked me even a year ago,” he said. “But it’s a testament to the story that our family is a million times more together.”

“Geeta and I decided to work together more. Mom and Dad are a part of the company now. My Dad works on this movie 10 hours a day to get every Indian in America marketing this movie.”

“And Mom got every motel owner in America putting up pamphlets. It has become a Patel family business.”

(Arun Kumar can be contacted at arun.kumar@ians.in)

-IANS

Next Story

Your Genes Determine How Successful Your Married Life Is

They are relevant to how partners provide and receive support from each other.

0
wedding
They are relevant to how partners provide and receive support from each other. Pixabay

Do you think you could lead a happy married life? The answer is in your genes, a new study has said.

Although prior research has hinted that marital quality is, at least partially, impacted by genetic factors, and that oxytocin may be relevant to social support, according to recent studies, variation on specific genes related to oxytocin functioning impact overall marital quality, in part.

They are relevant to how partners provide and receive support from each other.

wedding
Husbands with a particular genotype were less satisfied with the support they were provided from their wives which suggested that it was also associated with being less satisfied with their marriage, noted Mattson. Pixabay

The study evaluated whether different genotypes – possible genetic combinations of the oxytocin receptor gene (OXTR)- influenced how spouses support one another, which is a key determinant of overall marital quality.

OXTR was targeted because it is related to the regulation and release of oxytocin.

“Genes matter when it comes to the quality of marriage, because genes are relevant to who we are as individuals, and characteristics of the individual can impact the marriage,” said Richard Mattson, Associate Professor from the Binghamton University in the US.

For the study, the team included nearly 100 couples.

Each partner was asked individually to come up with an issue to discuss something they identify as their most salient personal problem that was not related to their partner or partner’s family such as problems at work.

genes
Genes matter when it comes to the quality of marriage, because genes are relevant to who we are as individuals, and characteristics of the individual can impact the marriage,” said Richard Mattson, Associate Professor from the Binghamton University in the US. Pixabay

“We found that variation at two particular locations on OXTR impacted the observed behaviours of both husbands and wives, and that differences in behaviour across couples had small but cumulative effects on overall evaluations of support, and thus marital quality in general,” added Mattson, published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

However, what emerged as most relevant to overall marital quality for both partners was genotypic variation among husbands at a specific location on OXTR.

Also Read: U.S. Congresswoman Talks About African Refugees, Aiming Global Human Rights

Husbands with a particular genotype were less satisfied with the support they were provided from their wives which suggested that it was also associated with being less satisfied with their marriage, noted Mattson.

The researchers hope their findings provide the foundation for replication and additional study of OXTR as an enduring determinant of marital functioning. (IANS)