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The Funny Side: Strange stories of Robbers and their Getaways

In 2008 was a case in Malaysia where robbers used a getaway car that was too small for all the money they had stolen

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Robbery (Representational Image), Pixabay

– by Nury Vittachi

Nov 18, 2016: I saw cops chasing a guy down the street the other day. My first thought was, “Man, those guys are going to get great scores on their fitness band.”

Police and robbers should agree to a 30-second window between any actual bank robbery and the ensuing chase to give time for both sides to turn their step-counters on. Robber: “Ready, chap?” Cops: “Wait. Just need to click this. Okay, let’s do this thing.”

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Two days later, a reader sent me a news item from Florida on a related subject. A young female bank robber had no getaway car — so persuaded her dad to drive her to and from the bank “for a job interview”. She robbed the bank and leapt back into the car, telling him that the cash she was holding was her salary in advance. The conversation must have been interesting: “Hi sweetheart, how’d the interview go?” “Fine thanks, Dad, now DRIVE GO GO GO GO GO.” (Bullets fly.)

This writer canvassed sources for other offbeat getaways and a colleague shared an odd one from Ecuador. A professional footballer was in the middle of a game last month when police arrived to arrest him for non-payment of alimony. He pretended to become injured (footballers spend most of their training hours practising this) and was transferred by stretcher to an ambulance while police watched helplessly from the other side of the field.

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But perhaps the most cost-effective getaway of recent times was a curious theft in India this summer. Bank security guards put a large cash payment in a tightly secured train carriage. Robbers sitting on the roof of the moving train cut a hole into the carriage, snatched the money, and then jumped off. They were a huge distance away when the robbery was discovered — and they hadn’t spent a cent on a getaway car.

Someone reading over my shoulder (GO AWAY) has just referred me to a case from Kent in 2008. The robbers had a regular getaway car, but used a driver who just didn’t have the right mindset for car chases. They were only about 250 metres from the place they’d raided when a traffic light turned red. The driver stopped the car and politely signalled right to show pursuers which way they were going. Police caught them within minutes.

Also in 2008 was a case in Malaysia where robbers used a getaway car that was too small for all the money they had stolen. And there was a 2012 case in Texas where a bank customer got so scared during an armed robbery that she ran outside and drove away in the first car she could find — which turned out to be the robbers’ getaway car.

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But going back to escaping on foot, a long run through the centre of any city will boost your score on Pokemon Go and provide good opportunities to distract police officers chasing you. Robber (glancing at smartphone screen): “Oh my goodness, there’s a legendary Articuno, a Pokemon which has never been caught.” Cop: “Where? I mean, stop, there!” (Cops slow down and pull out phones.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a taxi to work, waving my fitness band out of the window all the way. (IANS)

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Rapists are ‘Shaitans’ Disguised in Human Form: Salman Khan

Bollywood celebrities take to twitter to express their views on the recent rape incident in Hyderabad

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Salman Khan
Bollywood Actor Salman Khan addressed rapists as "the worst kind of 'shaitans' disguised in the human form." Wikimedia Commons

Salman Khan has condemned the brutal incident of gang-rape and murder of a young veterinarian on the outskirts of Hyderabad on November 27.

The Bollywood superstar took to social media to vent his anger against the culprits who committed the heinous crime. Salman Khan addressed them as “the worst kind of ‘shaitans’ disguised in the human form.”

Since the last couple of days, hashtags demanding justice for the gang-rape and murder victim have been trending on Twitter.

Using such a hashtag, Salman Khan tweeted, “These are the worst kind of ‘shaitans’ (devils) disguised in the human form! The pain, torture and death of innocent women like Nirbhaya should now get us together and put an end to such ‘shaitans’ who live among us, before any other innocent woman…

“…and their family go through this extreme agony and loss as this has to be stopped. Let betii bachao not be just a campaign. This is the time to let these demons know that we all stand together. May (victim’s name) soul rest in peace.”

Varun Dhawan- Salman Khan
Along with Salman Khan, Varun Dhawan took to twitter to express his disgust over the rape incident in Hyderabad. Wikimedia Commons

Another Bollywood actor, Varun Dhawan, has also expressed his disgust over the incident and raised his voice demanding justice for the victim’s family.

Using the hashtag seeking justice for the victim, Varun tweeted: “We as Indians discuss and are passionate about so many things. The entire country needs to come together and stop rapes from happening. Why is it that girls can be harmed so easily. Why aren’t these evil bastards scared of the law?”

“Right now the only focus has to be on making sure this girl and her family gets justice,” he added in a separate tweet.

Demanding quick investigation into the case, fashion photographer and film producer Atul Kasbekar took to social media to remind everyone that the culprits of the 2012 Delhi gangrape case have not yet been hung.

Rape
The hashtag #NoMercyToRapists is trending on Twitter. Pixabay

He tweeted, “When the criminal justice system fails to be an effective deterrent, the run of heinous crime is unabated. In case of rape/murder:

– we must have quick investigation n arrests
– fast track courts
– quick dispensation of the sentence

PS: The #Nirbhaya killers haven’t been hung as yet.”

On Sunday afternoon, the hashtag #NoMercyToRapists also started trending on Twitter with netizens demanding severe and immediate action against the four accused in the gruesome gang-rape and murder incident.

Also Read- Here’s how KBC Affected Big B’s Career

People across the country are demanding capital punishment for the rapists and voicing their protests on social media as well as taking to the streets. (IANS)