How Tamil Nadu’s Self-Respect Marriages are Redefining Union Beyond Caste and Religion

By Prasanth Shanmugasundaram

Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu: In most parts of India, marriage is closely tied to ritual, religion, and social hierarchy. Traditional Hindu weddings are marked by priest-led ceremonies, sacred fires, gold ornaments, and elaborate feasts. Across communities, these rituals often serve to reinforce caste identity, religious custom, and patriarchal norms.

In Tamil Nadu, a different kind of marriage has quietly challenged these conventions for nearly a century. The Suya Mariyathai Thirumanam or self-respect marriage replaces priests and religious rituals with a pledge of equality between partners.

The ceremony is centred on a simple vow: “I do affirm that we will share equally both the pleasures and pains of family life, besides being intimate friends with equal rights. Whatever you expect as your rights from me, I will expect equally from you. Based on this agreement, may I garland you today?”

This form of marriage emerged from social reformer Periyar EV Ramasamy’s Self-Respect Movement in the 1920s, which opposed caste, religious orthodoxy, and patriarchy. The first recorded Self-Respect Marriage took place on May 28, 1928, near Aruppukottai, when Rengasamy Reddy and Nagammal married without priests, rituals, or a sacred fire.

In 1967, Chief Minister CN Annadurai’s DMK government amended the Hindu Marriage Act to include Section 7A, granting legal recognition to such marriages in Tamil Nadu. The state remains the only one in India where marriages conducted without religious ceremonies are legally valid.

A refuge

Institutions like the Periyar Padippagam in Coimbatore continue to carry forward Periyar’s reformist legacy. More than a wedding venue, it serves as a support centre for couples who choose love across caste or religion.

The Padippagam provides counselling, legal assistance, and protection to inter-caste and inter-religious couples facing opposition or violence from their families. It also mediates with authorities in cases involving police complaints or honour-related conflicts. Over the years, it has become an important part of Tamil Nadu’s social reform network. It is not only conducting weddings but also helping couples secure official registration, legal protection, and limited financial support to begin their lives together.

On Valentine’s Day 2023, Gowtham (28) and Reena Jenita (26) solemnised their self-respect marriage at the Padippagam. Their relationship began in college, where Gowtham was pursuing a BSc in Computer Science and Reena was studying Agriculture. Gowtham is from Coimbatore district, and Reena from Salem district.

When Reena’s family learned of their relationship, they opposed it. “In February 2023, when her family found out and learned about my Hindu background, they tried to arrange another match for her and pressured me to quit,” Gowtham told 101Reporters. “So we decided to come to Coimbatore and get married at the Padippagam.”

He recalled that her family tried to trace them, contacted neighbours, and sent threats. “On February 13, Reena stayed at a friend’s place associated with the Padippagam. The next day, we submitted our Aadhaar cards, TC, and marksheets, exchanged garlands, and solemnised our self-respect marriage. We then registered it officially at the nearby sub-registrar’s office. When Reena’s family arrived at the Padippagam after hearing about the marriage, the members mediated calmly to avoid any conflict.”

“Since Reena’s family includes educated members they understood and accepted the marriage. The Padippagam handled the situation carefully, and eventually my family also accepted our union. Today, I run an automation business, and my wife is preparing for government exams,” Gowtham said. 

Reena added, “When I left home, I didn’t know much about the Padippagam. Seeing it gave me hope. Here, caste or religion doesn’t matter. Everyone works to create an equal society and guide young couples. I feel proud that we got married here. Our love has crossed religious boundaries, and we now live peacefully.”

See Also: Anatomy of caste discrimination in a Tamil Nadu village where Dalits defied diktats

For Surya, from a Dalit background, and Deepa, from a dominant Backward Class community, the Padippagam became a place of safety. When Deepa’s family discovered their relationship in 2019, they issued threats and tried to arrange another marriage for her. Surya, a physical education teacher from Singanallur near Coimbatore, approached the Padippagam for help.

“Her relatives came to my village and warned me to stay away,” he said. “When the threats turned violent, I took her to the Coimbatore Padippagam for safety.” The organisation provided shelter, arranged legal support, and ensured their marriage was legally registered. “Even when Deepa’s parents approached the police, the Padippagam’s team provided lawyers and supporters who ensured legal protection and mediated with the authorities. The police concluded the matter peacefully, ensuring the family would not interfere again and giving us written assurance of protection, all without charging me a single rupee.”

Surya said he managed his wedding on a budget of Rs 8,000, covering garlands, clothes, registration, and food. “The Padippagam understood my situation and extended both financial and moral support,” he said. Deepa added, “Without them, our love would have been destroyed. Every year, we return on our anniversary to thank the Padippagam and garland Periyar’s statue.”

Jeeva, a railway employee from a Dalit community, and Barani, a maths postgraduate from a dominant Backward Class family, also turned to the Padippagam when their families opposed their relationship. “They told me to forget her,” Jeeva said. “When the pressure became too much, we went to the Padippagam.”

“At the Padippagam, the first questions weren’t about caste or religion, but about survival: Do you have a job? Can you build a life together? When they understood our struggles, they helped us conduct our self-respect marriage, covered basic expenses, and supported us when her family filed a police complaint. They mediated peacefully and ensured we were protected,” he said. “Without them, our marriage would have remained just a dream.”

For the past 12 years, M Jeevanandam, an auto driver and volunteer at the Coimbatore Padippagam, has helped thousands of couples solemnise their self-respect marraiges, often while facing family opposition or police pressure.

“I once faced the same struggles myself,” he said. “I chose a caste-free marriage because I wanted to build a society beyond caste. Later, I learned about Periyar and joined the Padippagam. In these 12 years, I’ve seen it all: death threats, police interventions, and parents trying to stop weddings with money or influence. Yet we continue, because this is not just about marriage, it’s about equality and social change.”

Inside the process of self-respect marriage

“When couples arrive at the Padippagam, we first verify their documents—caste certificates, Aadhaar cards, transfer certificates, and mark sheets,” Jeevandanam explained. “We also ask them to write a note in their own handwriting explaining who they are, why they chose a self-respect marriage, and where they come from. They then sign a written declaration affirming their commitment. Before a senior member of the Padippagam, the couple exchanges garlands and recites the self-respect pledge and that’s it. They’re married.”

The Padippagam issues a certificate of self-respect marriage, which, along with photographs from the ceremony, is submitted to the local sub-registrar’s office for official registration.

“In traditional temple weddings, the Hindu Religious and Charitable Endowments Department issues receipts,” Jeevanandam added. “Our certificate serves the same purpose. Under the Tamil Nadu Self-Respect Marriage Act, the government recognises these marriages as fully legal, even without priests, rituals, or religious ceremonies.”

The Padippagam also provides temporary shelter, small financial aid, and job connections to couples starting from scratch. “We’ve faced bribes, threats, and even goons sent to stop marriages,” he said. “But we continue, because every marriage here is a step toward a caste-free, rational society.”

Kovai Ramakrishnan, founder of the Coimbatore Periyar Padippagam for over 25 years, has personally conducted more than 10,000 self-respect marriages. 

“Across Tamil Nadu, there are more than four Periyar Padippagams. One in the heart of Chennai and one each in Coimbatore, Erode, and Tiruppur. From Chennai to Coimbatore, hundreds of such marriages happen every month,” he said.

“Our Padippagam alone registers 300 to 500 marriages monthly. Official records show over 12,000 self-respect marriages between 2018 and early 2025, but the actual number is higher.”

See Also: Thalaikoothal: The Dark Secret of Elder Killings in Tamil Nadu

The gap, he said, is because many couples do not register their marriages with the government’s Department of Social Welfare to obtain an inter-caste marriage certificate which is a separate document required for government welfare schemes. They also do not apply for related financial assistance, he said. 

While most self-respect marriages are a conscious stand against caste and religious orthodoxy, some couples, with the agreement of both families, choose the Padippagam to publicly declare their rationalist beliefs. In these cases, parents may even accompany the couple as a statement of consent, equality, and conviction. Such instances are still rare but can be seen in photographs where older family members are present during the ceremonies.

Beyond weddings

The Periyar Padippagam functions not only as a venue for self-respect marriages but also as a rationalist library and legal aid centre. “We are educated people who approach marriage with reason. Because of our legal guidance and protective network, many couples facing caste-based threats find safety here. This protection has helped reduce honour-based violence in Tamil Nadu,” said Kovai Ramakrishnan.

He added, “Most people who marry here are educated, rational, and aware of social realities. Divorce rates among them are remarkably low.”

The Tamil Nadu government supports inter-caste and inter-religious marriages through the Dr Muthulakshmi Reddy Inter-Caste Marriage Assistance Scheme. The Periyar Padippagam guides couples married there on how to obtain an inter-caste marriage certificate and apply for government financial assistance. After the marriage, couples register at government e-service centres to ensure smooth access to these benefits.

In inter-caste marriages, one spouse must belong to the Scheduled Caste or Scheduled Tribe, while the other comes from a different community. Similarly, one partner may belong to the General category, and the other to the Backward or Most Backward Class.

Under the scheme, if the bride has passed Class 10, the couple receives Rs 25,000 and 8 grams of gold, if the bride is a graduate or diploma holder, they receive Rs 50,000 and 8 grams of gold. There is no income limit for eligibility. Officials from the Social Welfare and Women Empowerment Department confirm that many beneficiaries are couples who married through Periyar Padippagams.

This article was originally published in 101 Reporters under Creative Common license. Read the original article.

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