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When you did get married, the heart was in awe of joy, and dreams were full of vivid pictures about the future together and love until old age. A wedding is always beautiful, it is a gentle and touching tale. But nothing lasts forever. Each fairy tale has its end, and life after the wedding turns into a routine.
When we are in love, our subconscious plays a cruel joke, noticing only the best in a partner, sometimes even embellishing these qualities, while all the negative things just pass by, and we even do not focus our attention on this. But love passes quickly enough and finally, we begin to think soberly. Now, the man before the eyes is no longer a prince charming, but a person full of flaws, with whom there are no more common interests and points of intersection. And good if you can just break up and go your own way. But things are much more serious if you are already married and have common underage children.
Great dad, bad husband
Your husband is a wonderful father, he takes care of the child, spends a lot of time with him or her, helps to do homework, takes a kid to baseball or football, goes on campaigns together, teaches something new and supports the interests of your beloved baby. But with you he is cold enough, love, mutual understanding, and warmth in the relationship have gone, moreover, he even can be rude, harsh, selfish, nasty, lazy and so on. Do you need to save your family and endure an unpleasant person just for the sake of the child? Perhaps this is not an easy question. And everyone decides for herself what is good. However, before answering this question, you need to thoroughly understand what is best for the child.
When a baby is born he is absolutely pure. He or she has no knowledge, fears, principles, problems. He still does not know anything about this world. In fact, his world consists of only 2 people: mom and dad. Parents are a kind of child’s guide to the outside world. The task of the parents is not only to teach the child to read and write or to give him/her education and medical care. The most important thing that parents should do for their offspring is to grow up a full-fledged person who can rationally think and be happy. But can parents teach a child to be happy if they are unhappy? Very often the couple continues to live together for the sake of the child, poisoning each other’s life, thinking that the child does not suspect anything. Even without imagining what harm they cause to the psyche of their kid.
Psychologists say that the emotional atmosphere in the family greatly affects the development of the baby. Children in whose families the harmonies reign, develop faster and even get sick less in comparison with those children whose families have a tense situation. Even if the spouses do not conflict openly, the child still feels and understands that something is wrong with mom and dad. But the baby is not able to realize the adult world yet and his body enters the state of stress, trying to defend himself from the situation that he does not fully understand. Quite often, children whose parents are dissatisfied with each other for a long time, have neurosis. Also, most children feel guilty, thinking that because of him or her, parents can not divorce and adjust their lives. Children grow up in adults and leave their parents’ home, but the feeling of guilt remains with them until the end of their lives.
Marriages that hold on only on the child have disastrous consequences for the child’s future. It turns out that parents together are only while raising a child. But what should they do when the child grows up and leaves? Will they divorce? For people who have lived together for decades are quite difficult to dissolve a marriage. First, they are accustomed to each other. Secondly, the issue of separation of property and financial support will become quite acute. Therefore, most spouses stay together and fearing all the severity of divorce, the parents begin to intimidate the child with various difficulties that lie ahead, trying to delay the moment when he or she goes into adulthood. At the same time, most parents do it on a subconscious level, being afraid to be alone with their unloved spouse. As a result, children in such families grow up quite infantile or unable to create their own families. A girl who has seen her mother suffer in a marriage will look for exactly the same husband with whom she will be unhappy. This happens because the child in her entire life simply did not see another picture and does not know how to build a healthy relationship, and at a subconscious level believes that an unhappy marriage is a norm.
Is there a way out?
Of course, there is always a way out! Try to use family therapy. Family psychologists have entire programs that are aimed at restoring the family and returning the old relationship, work with your spouse together on it. If at the beginning your relationships were beautiful, full of passion and love, remember what for you loved your partner, why you agreed to marry him. Ask your partner for what he loved you, what desires and feelings he had when he offered to get married. Do not hesitate your feelings. Talk to each other, share your thoughts, fears, experiences, and desires in relation to each other. Firstly become best friends, people you can rely on. Start dating again and going to the movies. Return to the position where you were in love with each other and were passionate. Try to change the situation and go on a trip only together (children can stay with grandmom and dad) or move to a new home!
But if you have already tried everything and could not return the relationship, you can get a divorce before it is too late. There is an opinion that divorce is a hell that pulls out all the nerves and savings from the spouses. But this is true only on a half. Of course, if your divorce is contested, where there is a lot of disagreement between you and your spouse, which only the judge can resolve, then get ready for lengthy court sessions and expensive lawyers. However, in every state, it’s possible to get an uncontested divorce. The essence of which is that the spouses agree on all the provisions of their divorce and both want to dissolve the marriage. The uncontested divorce ends relatively quickly, besides there are many online platforms that can prepare all the necessary documents for you, and you will not even need to hire a lawyer. If you have any differences with your spouse, you can contact the mediators to resolve your conflict. Mediators are social workers whose task is to help to divorce spouses reach a compromise without forcing anyone to make unpleasant decisions.
Divorce with you, but not with the child
You must understand that divorce is a process between spouses. If you break up with your husband, it does not mean that the spouse leaves your child. He can still spend time with the child and participate in his or her life. Divorce does not deprive your husband of parental rights! You can discuss and draw up a Parenting Plan and share the time that each of you wants to spend with the child, including celebrating holidays. For some time in a year, a baby can live in your husband’s house or travel with him. Divide time so that the child does not feel abandoned by one of the parents and that he or she has long and enduring contact with you two. At the same time, it is very important for the mother to form a positive image of the father, as a strong and caring man, so that the child understands that he is loved and cared for in all circumstances.
In the end
Everyone deserves to be happy. And no need to cover up the problems of your marriage by a child. If your relationship is broken together, perhaps a divorce would be the right decision, even though it might hurt. However, it is better to survive this pain now than to destroy the future of your child. Just imagine that after a divorce, you can meet a man who will not only truly love you, but also your child. After all, another person on earth will love your baby, isn’t it wonderful? The happiness of the child always comes first for the parents. And a child will be happy when his parents are happy and when he lives in a comfortable, emotional atmosphere. Therefore, it is better to remain friends with your husband, get a divorce and build a new life, than to make all family members hostage to circumstances.
"In India, to be born as a man is a crime, to question a woman is an atrocious crime, and this all because of those women who keep suppressing men in the name of feminism."
Feminism, a worldwide movement that started to establish, define and defend equal rights for women in all sections- economically, politically, and socially. India, being a patriarchal society gives a gender advantage to the men in the society thus, Indian feminists sought to fight against the culture-specific issue for women in India. Feminism itself is nothing but a simple movement that pursues equal rights for women (including transwomen) and against misogyny both external and internal. It states nowhere that women should get more wages than men, that women deserve more respect than men, that's pseudo-feminism.
Pseudo feminists state that women deserve more respect and rights, any other gender deserves no respect. They feel that women should be the ones ruling the world and at higher positions. When feminism takes a turn for extremities it becomes pseudo-feminism and people who label themselves as feminists will bash anyone who speaks against even the wrongdoings of a woman. They'll bash women who're wife and sisters for not speaking up and support any women criticizing political leaders even if it's completely irrational. This is where hypocrisy and pseudo-feminism merge with each other.
They take advantage of the rights given to women to protect themselves to threaten other genders. The rights given to women are supposed to make them feel reassured that they can reach out to the judiciary if their rights are being hampered not to threaten to make the victim sound like the culprit.
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Indian Feminist Movement has made significant progress however, even in the modern world women are still unsafe and are discriminated against when it comes to getting a job, land ownership, and access to education. While filling the official papers it is still asked "Wife of /Daughter of:….."
People in India still continue the practice of sex-selective abortion, abandoning the girl child, not letting girl child study instead they should learn household chores, they are seen as a burden to the family. Such injustices make feminism such an important movement, gender equality is worth fighting for to create a safe environment for women. Feminists over the years have been criticized for focusing on the rights of privileged women and not giving equal representation to poorer and lower caste women, which has led to separate caste-specific feminist organizations and movements.
Some notable milestones in the Feminist Movement
- Raja Ram Mohan Roy campaigned against Sati Pratha (practice in which a widow sacrificed herself by sitting atop her deceased husband's funeral pyre) and child marriage
- Savitribai Phule started the first school for girls at Bhidewada in Pune city in 1848.
- In 1972, SEWA, the biggest trade union for women was set up by Ela Bhatt for women working in the informal sector.
- The Chipko Movement was launched and led by women in 1973.
- #MeToo movement against sexual harassment and abuse was started in 2006 and revived in the year 2015.
People in India still continue the practice of sex-selective abortion, abandoning the girl child, not letting girl child study instead they should learn household chores, they are seen as a burden to the family.Unsplash
Feminism is often misunderstood as pseudo-feminism and hence, becomes the target for public hatred and is accused of wronging other genders under the façade of feminism. It is misunderstood by Indians as female domination instead of gender equality. Indian society and Indian feminists believe that only men are perpetrators of a heinous crime like rape and they refuse to even recognize the men who say they were raped and it's the toxic masculinity in the society that believes how can a woman rape a man? Reality is different from what we believe, women can be the perpetrator too, women threaten to file a case of domestic violence, or sexual assault against innocent people just to fulfill their ego.
Thankfully feminism and pseudo feminism are two separate concepts and feminism is just about equality and not judgment. Indian society and feminists actually need to understand the difference between the two and stop tarnishing the Feminist Movement as a whole.
Keywords: Feminism, World, India, Pseudo-Feminism, Gender
Kerala is a land of many good things. It has an abundance of nature, culture, art, and food. It is also a place of legend and myth, and is known for its popular folklore, the legend of Yakshi. This is not a popular tale outside the state, but it is common knowledge for travellers, especially those who fare through forests at night.
The legend of the yakshi is believed to be India's equivalent of the Romanian Dracula, except of course, the Yakshi is a female. Many Malayalis believe that the Yakshi wears a white saree and had long hair. She has a particular fragrance, which is believed to be the fragrance of the Indian devil-tree flowers. She seduces travellers with her beauty, and kills them brutally.
Yakshi idol in Veroor, Sri Dharamashastha temple Image source: wikimedia commons
The Yakshi is believed to live in a palm tree which can appear like a palace. Victims are taken here before they are killed. Travellers on highways are often advised not to stop near heavily forested areas, or speak to anyone who closely resembles a Yakshi. Some believe she can change form, while other hold to the belief that she doesn't. after securing her victim, the only trace left behind is body parts like hair, nails, and teeth.
They say, like other ghosts, a Yakshi's feet will not touch the ground. This is something to look out for. Mysterious deaths have been reported across the rural areas in Kerala, and all these have been attributed to the legend.
Keywords: Legends, Yakshi, Urban legend, Ghost, Kerala, Myth, Vampire
The LGBTQ+ acronym stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and others. In India LGBTQ+ community also include a specific social group, part religious cult, and part caste: the Hijras. They are culturally defined either as "neither men nor women" or as men who become women by adopting women's dress and behavior. Section 377 of the India Penal code that criminalized all sexual acts "against the order of nature" i.e. engaging in oral sex or anal sex along with other homosexual activities were against the law, ripping homosexual people off of their basic human rights. Thus, the Indian Supreme Court ruled a portion of Section 377 unconstitutional on 6th September 2018.
But the question is, "was India always against homosexuality"? Has the concept of homosexuality being unnatural existed forever? No, in Indian history and Hinduism homosexuality has never been an offense, in fact in several instances it has been depicted how people embraced their identity, be it sexual identity or gender identity. Section 377 was brought to India by the British in 1862, while India was colonized. Even after the Independence, it was only in 2018 that the Supreme Court ruled it as irrational and illogical.
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Homosexuality in Ancient India
When Supreme Court decriminalized homosexuality in India, there was an uproar about it being a western ideology and liberalism. But in reality, homosexuality has existed since the time of the Vedas. The Gay and Lesbian Vaishnava Association (GALVA) researched and discovered that it was around 3102 B.C. (during the Vedic Age) that homosexuality or non-normative sexual identity was recognized as "Tritiya Prakriti", or the third nature. Ancient India not only made mentions of homosexuality but accepted it as well.
Hinduism is the most vastly followed religion in India. Hinduism does not explicitly mention homosexuality however it does contain a homosexual theme and characters in its text. There have been various instances in our scriptures and texts that have introduced us to LGBT+ characters such as the androgynous form of Shiva and Parvati Ardhanariswara meaning "the half-female lord". One of the most popular and ancient texts on sexuality, eroticism, and emotional fulfillment of life, "Kamasutra" has a complete chapter dedicated to homosexuality and homosexual sex. Numerous Hindu sculptures and temples have statues depicting homosexual activities.
Numerous Hindu sculptures and temples have statues depicting homosexual activities. Facebook
Our Mughals were Queer
Mughals are often seen under the light of cruelty, rigid ethics, nobility, and polygamy. Simultaneously, Mughals are also the ones credited for the emergence of Sufism, abolished jizya tax, love beyond religion, classes, and gender.
In the Baburnama written in memoirs of our very first Mughal ruler Muhammad Babur, several instances documented Babur's infatuation and affection towards a teenage boy named Baburi. We also have multiple Persian couplets as evidence of Babur's affection for Baburi. Mughals engaged in homosexuality and pederasty, and they believed that later was a form of "pure love".
But as time passed homosexuality was suppressed more and more though people practiced it in secret if revealed they were punished. According to the Fatwa-e-Alamgiri Sharia-based text of the Mughal Empire, there is a common set of punishments for homosexuality, which could include 50 lashes for a slave, 100 for a free infidel, or death by stoning for a Muslim.
British Raj and Independence of India
In 1862, Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code that criminalized homosexual sex came into force. Even after Independence in 1947, the section remained a part of the Indian Constitution. There were protests all over the country to give people of the LGBT+ community basic human rights but it was not until 2018 that The Supreme Court of India ruled the portion of Section 377 has unconstitutional and struck it off. One judge said the landmark decision would "pave the way for a better future.". With Section 377 gone are LGBT+ people allowed to fall in love freely? No, people are still afraid to love because of the stigma in our society when it comes to homosexuality; they are seen as lesser humans.
ALSO READ: Significant Support for Rights for LGBTQ+
Although the Supreme Court has decriminalized homosexual activities, same-sex marriage remains illegal in the country. Homophobia is still prevalent in India, and homosexual children would rather commit suicide than come out to society with their true identity, that's how harsh of a world we live in. Lacking support from family, society, or police, many gay rape victims do not report the crimes. In 1977, writer and Indian mathematician Shakuntla Devi published "The World of Homosexuals". It was the first study in the Indian context; the book contains interviews with homosexual men set in the years of Emergency. She wrote, "rather than pretending that homosexuals don't exist it is time we face the facts squarely in the eye and find room for homosexual people." We've had small victories in our fight against homophobia and getting LGBT+ community the rights they deserve as humans, but we still have a long and exhausting fight ahead of us.