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On a societal level, we must establish that care, guidance, and love are what we owe to our children. Pixabay

“You are not old enough to understand” is a phrase likely to ring a bell for millions of adults, adolescents, and children, across India. While the dismissive statement may seem innocuous at first, a deeper dive into the almost universally accepted, yet largely unspoken, belief uncovers a major daily hurdle faced by children today, called ‘adultism, believes Sakshi, a rights-based NGO.

“At some point in our lives, we have all likely experienced a certain degree of discrimination in the form of adultism and had our decisions and life choices questioned based on our actual or perceived age. In other words, the persistent pattern of children and youth being denied the right to exercise self-determination is called adultism.”


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“Adultism does not suggest that age is a completely irrelevant social identity, but rather that actual or perceived age is often used to restrict a child or a young person from making their own choices. It unfairly gives adults the power to decide most features and preferences about young peoples’ lives, such as how they dress, or how they behave or socialize, without a deeper understanding of the competencies and capacities that each young person possesses. Making matters worse for children, one of the country’s most overlooked demographics, is that adultism festers out of social stereotypes, prejudices, and discrimination based on actual or perceived age. The choices being made for children and adolescents by adults are, therefore, further restricted by a multitude of social evils such as casteism, sexism, class inequality, racism, and ableism,” says the NGO. eSakshi’ is a capacity-building organization working towards systemic interventions for the prevention of gender-based violence and child sexual abuse.

Adultism has emerged out of the cultural, social, and political construction of childhood and often mimics other systems of oppression through at least one of the five forms of oppression in exploitation, marginalization, powerlessness, cultural imperialism, and violence. Adults often believe themselves to be the role models of children, the arbiters of right and wrong, while somehow also holding the belief that they do not owe children an acknowledgment of harm caused against them by adults or an apology either, asserts eSakshi’. What’s more, is the general societal acceptance amongst adults that children cannot hold adults accountable for their actions when harm has been done against them.


On a societal level, we must establish that care, guidance, and love are what we owe to our children. Pixabay

It adds: herein lies the problem, where the negative effects of adultism really begin to take a stronghold on a child’s life; when adults systematically do not allow children to participate in meaningful decisions, their sense of self-worth deteriorates. Children have boundaries that are often ignored, and when children cannot hold adults accountable, it can be detrimental to their self-worth and can even lead them to doubt their power in asserting their rights to speaking up and out against those who harm them well into adulthood.

Even though the problem of adultism is so deeply rooted and ingrained in our culture and society, there are still solutions to combat this and offer a path to meaningful long-term change. On a societal level, we must establish that care, guidance, and love are what we owe to our children. This can be quantified by how much children trust their guardians to care for them when they have been harmed by their guardians or by others, says the NGO.

On a parental and individualistic level, communication is vital in ensuring children have an ideal platform to express themselves. In order to take tangible steps forward, parents should reach out to their children and reflect upon their responses to the following questions: Will you share with me a time when you were trying to express your thoughts and feelings and I did not listen? Are there things that I do that hurt your feelings? Did I ever do something that was unfair to you?

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Furthermore, it is important for adults to understand that they need to allow children to hold them accountable if and when adults have wronged them. Listening and paying attention to the feelings and opinions of children is helpful as it not only allows them to express themselves, but also holds adults, parents, or guardians accountable for behavior that is harmful, adds the NGO.

This also significantly reduces the possibilities for further violence being perpetrated against children and creates an environment and a community of accountability, where adults can watch out for other adults who may, intentionally or not, be harming children in the process, it concludes. (IANS/JC)


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The aim of the book is to teach children that families can exist in different forms, and show them how to accept the diversity in family backgrounds.

By Siddhi Jain

Delhi-based author Pritisha Borthakur is set to release her new book, 'Puhor and Niyor's Mural of Family Stories'. The 1,404-word children's book was put together to address a new kind of societal debacle in the family system. The author says the aim is to teach children that families can exist in different forms, and show them how to accept the diversity in family backgrounds.

The author who named the book after her twin sons -- Puhor and Niyor -- is a parent who has seen and heard the tales of ridicule and discrimination suffered by many in India and beyond. She says the book is an artistic illustration for kids that details how different families can live and coexist. Whether it's children with two dads or two moms, children with a single dad or single mom, and even multiracial family units, Borthakur's book teaches love, understanding, and compassion towards unconventional families.

Beyond race, gender, color, and ethnicity which have formed the bases for discrimination since the beginning of time, this book aims to bring to light a largely ignored issue. For so long, single parents have been treated like a taboo without any attempt to understand their situations; no one really cares how or why one's marriage ended but just wants to treat single parents as villains simply for choosing happiness and loving their children.

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