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It’s not what you wear, but the way you wear it

Men lack the enzyme which processes self-awareness, which is why we think we look good in Speedos

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A lot depends upon what we wear and how we carry it. Wikimedia Common
A lot depends upon what we wear and how we carry it. Wikimedia Common
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Definition of being behind on the laundry: When you find yourself seriously considering wearing a Halloween costume to work.

I expected my wife to veto the idea, but she was okay with it, saying: “It’s not what you wear that counts, but whether you can carry it off.”

Mind you, this was a phone conversation and so she couldn’t see what I was wearing. In the event, going to work in a killer clown outfit was not as bad as it might have been, and the fake bloodstains on the costume proved advantageous. Fellow passengers quickly gave me a seat on the bus — actually, a whole block of seats.

Also Read: Get quirky with your shoes

The main (and possibly only) advantage of marriage for guys is that we are given full-time aides (“wives”) who generally prevent us going out looking too ridiculous. Men lack the enzyme which processes self-awareness, which is why we think we look good in Speedos.

Proof: In my true-crime file is a report about a criminal fugitive on the run in Japan who disguised himself in a girls’ sailor suit school uniform. Since he was a tall man with massive shoulders, he managed to evade detection for only minutes.

Definition of being behind on the laundry: When you find yourself seriously considering wearing a Halloween costume to work. Wikimedia Commons
Definition of being behind on the laundry: When you find yourself seriously considering wearing a Halloween costume to work. Wikimedia Commons

Another true story: Last year, a pair of bank robbers decided to dress as women to scope out a bank in Thomasville, Florida. The result was the opposite of what they expected: They became the centre of attention, of course.

It is really hard for men to dress convincingly as females as we lack the two main things that make a woman a woman — good taste, and the ability to walk with our feet clamped in instruments of torture known as “lady’s shoes”.

There’s one exception which proves my point. In November last year, the coach of the Thailand women’s kabaddi team was dismayed to find out that males were banned from attending women’s sports events in Iran, where his team was playing. So he wrapped his head in a female scarf and marched straight in.

Also Read: Why Do People Get Aggressive After Drinking?

He fooled nobody but correctly judged that the women would be too nice to throw him out. Smart guy.

Our UK correspondent shared a sad news item about a group of men who raised money for their local hospital by dressing as nurses and pushing a bed around town. The hospital refused to accept the cash as they said it was considered politically incorrect for men to dress as nurses these days.

It is really hard for men to dress convincingly as females as we lack the two main things that make a woman a woman. Wikimedia Commons
It is really hard for men to dress convincingly as females as we lack the two main things that make a woman a woman. Wikimedia Commons

This seems unfair, as I have seen marathon runners dressed as bananas, dinosaurs and Q-Tips without complaint from fruit sellers, palaeontologists or people who like to poke things in their ears.

But the political issues surrounding women’s clothes are complex. In 2011 someone organised a “slutwalk” in Canada. This involved scantily-clad females marching down the road with protest banners. When the Slutwalk arrived in Asia, the women were fully covered up and many of the marchers were male; so the event missed the point, a bit like the Animal Rights Barbecue that a friend of mine once tried to organise.

Also Read: 7 Unfailing Ways To Impress Your Lady Love & Swoon Her Off Her Feet

Anyway, like my wife says, it’s not what you wear but how you wear it. By the way, I look great in a Speedo. (IANS)

(Nury Vittachi is an Asia-based frequent traveller. Send ideas and comments via his Facebook page)

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Microsoft and DSCI to Tie up For Programme to Skill Women in Cybersecurity

The programme, spanning three years, will cover locations from Andhra Pradesh, Bihar, Delhi-NCR, Gujarat, Karnataka, Maharashtra, Madhya Pradesh, Meghalaya, Rajasthan and Telangana

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Microsoft, DSCI launch programme to skill women in cybersecurity. (Wikimedia commons)

Microsoft India on Monday partnered with the Data Security Council of India (DSCI) to launch a programme aimed at fostering talent and building a pool of women cybersecurity professionals in the country.

As part of the three-year programme, called the “CyberShikshaa”, 1,000 women from underserved communities will be trained in ten locations across the country and offered employment opportunities.

Beginning on Monday, the first phase of the programme will be rolled out across Noida, Patna, Hyderabad and Mohali.

 “CyberShikshaa is significant in more ways than one. It will empower women technologists, ensure a growth driven livelihood for them and increase the participation of women in the industry,” Anant Maheshwari, President, Microsoft India, said in a statement.

According to NASSCOM, the strength of the women workforce in the IT-ITeS industry currently stands at 34 per cent.

CyberShikshaa will develop a comprehensive ecosystem and evangelise women to harness the opportunities of cybersecurity as a career.

Microsoft Cybersecurity
Cybersecurity, Pixabay

In addition to establishing a strong training network with competent trainers and infrastructure, it will work to facilitate partnerships amongst government, industry and academia.

“Cybersecurity skills development and enabling growth opportunities to women talent in cybersecurity domain is a key imperative for government and industry,” added Rama Vedashree, CEO at the DSCI

The CyberShikshaa curriculum will comprise an interactive, four-month training course with a combination of theory, case studies and practical hands on projects managed by a group of training partners led by the Centre for Development of Advanced Computing (C-DAC).

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Open to women science graduates between the age of 20-27 years, it will also include mentoring sessions and workshops with industry leaders, soft skills training and technical sessions by Microsoft employee volunteers. Campus interviews will be organised for students on successful completion of the course.

The programme, spanning three years, will cover locations from Andhra Pradesh, Bihar, Delhi-NCR, Gujarat, Karnataka, Maharashtra, Madhya Pradesh, Meghalaya, Rajasthan and Telangana. (IANS)