Key Points:
M.O. Mathai stirred decades of controversy with his memoir Reminiscences of the Nehru Age.
A missing section of the book titled ‘She’, reportedly detailing a 12-year relationship of him with Indira Gandhi
Mathai claimed Indira confessed her desire to be with him
Indira Gandhi, India’s only woman Prime Minister, has long been surrounded by rumours, controversies, and political legends. Many of these stemmed from M.O. Mathai, Jawaharlal Nehru’s powerful private secretary, who served from 1946 to 1959 and later wrote Reminiscences of the Nehru Age (1978).
Mathai was more than just Nehru’s aide—he managed both his political affairs and personal life. In his memoir, he claimed explosive details about Nehru’s relationships with Edwina Mountbatten, Padmaja Naidu, and Mridula Sarabhai. But the most sensational controversy revolved around a missing Chapter 29, titled “She”, which was withdrawn before publication.
The book’s publisher, Narendra Kumar, inserted a note on Page 153: “This chapter on an intensely personal experience of the author’s, written without inhibition in the D.H. Lawrence style, has been withdrawn by the author at the last moment.” Kumar later insisted this was only a “teaser” and that no such chapter ever existed.
Speculation nevertheless persisted. Biographer Katherine Frank later wrote that the unpublished chapter allegedly described a 12-year affair between Mathai and Indira Gandhi. Although “She” was never part of the manuscript, a text purporting to be the missing chapter has circulated online for decades, in which Mathai is quoted as saying: “I had fallen deeply in love with her.”
Adding to the intrigue, in 1981 T.V. Rajeswar, former Intelligence Bureau chief and later Governor of West Bengal, claimed he had received a 'chapter' from Mathai’s writings and handed it directly to Indira Gandhi. In an interview with journalist Karan Thapar for India Today, Rajeswar stopped short of confirming whether the material was indeed 'She.' His revelation, however, suggested that Indira may have seen something never released to the public.
The alleged text contains sensational claims. Mathai wrote that Indira once told him directly: “I want to sleep with you, take me to the wilds tomorrow evening.” Mathai confessed he had no experience, to which Indira responded by giving him two books, including one by Dr. Abraham Stone, on sex and female anatomy.
He further recalled that Indira invented pet names for them. She called him “Bhupat, the dacoit”, while he called her “Putli, the dacoitess.” “Oh, Bhupat I love you,” she would often whisper, Mathai claimed.
Though never officially published, the alleged chapter contained even more sensational claims. Mathai wrote that Indira once became pregnant and had an abortion. He added that her cold public persona was merely a façade. Behind closed doors, he described her as “exceptionally good in bed” and “fond of prolonged kissing.” He went further, writing: “In the sex act she had all the artfulness of French women and Kerala Nair women combined.”
According to Mathai, the relationship ended abruptly when he discovered her with yoga guru Dhirendra Brahmachari, later rumoured as one of her closest confidants. Another figure often linked to her was Foreign Minister Dinesh Singh.
Yet, despite these alleged personal controversies, Indira’s political life remained towering. Initially dismissed as a “goongi gudiya” (dumb doll), she split the Congress, consolidated power, and led India to victory against Pakistan in the 1971 war. Fiercely ambitious, she thrived on power struggles—with party bosses, foreign leaders, and even her own father, Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru.
Her marriage too reflected her restless energy. Once speaking of her personal life, Indira remarked: “We didn’t deserve a normal, banal and boring life.” That perhaps captured her essence best.
Indira Gandhi lived in a world where politics, power, and personal battles intertwined. She remains an enigmatic figure—admired, feared, and endlessly discussed. Mathai’s claims may have fueled decades of speculation, but no evidence has ever confirmed them, and the Gandhi family has never commented. Indira Gandhi–M.O. Mathai affair remains an unresolved story. [Rh/VP]
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