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Indira Gandhi’s personal and professional life always attracted speculations about affairs and unusual fetishes. India’s first female prime minister was known for her tough personality, which earned her the widely recognized nickname “Iron Lady,” given by American diplomat Henry Kissinger, but was her tough personality a mask to conceal her unhappiness? 

Indira’s husband Feroze Gandhi, allegedly contributed to her unstable personal life. The couple had a ‘crowded marriage,’-  with many rumours of infidelity surrounding both of them.

Feroze Gandhi openly flaunted his association with political figures such as Member of Parliament Tarakeshwari Sinha. Meanwhile, Indira Gandhi confided in other men. Her affair with M.O. Mathai—- became one of the most controversial and talked-about rumours. 

M.O. Mathai, who served as Jawaharlal Nehru’s secretary from 1946 to 1959, had an interesting personality and a talent for witty conversations. During his period as secretary, he became Nehru’s most trusted and loyal confidant. Mathai had an interesting personality and a talent for witty conversation.

His extreme closeness with India’s first Prime Minister allegedly made Indira resentful. According to Mathai’s autobiography Reminiscences of the Nehru Age (1978), his relationship with Indira transcended political barriers and turned into a passionate affair.

The Indian government banned the autobiography after its release in 1978. Publishers allegedly withdrew one of the chapters because it included illicit details about Mathai’s personal relationship with Indira Gandhi. The “missing chapter” from Mathai’s memoir apparently revealed deeply personal information and exposed the truth behind Indira’s mask of toughness.

On Page 153, Chapter 29 titled “She,” the publisher added a note stating that the author had written about his “intensely personal experience.” The note further explained that the text was written in the uninhibited style of D.H. Lawrence but that Mathai withdrew it at the last moment.

Indira Gandhi’s biographer Katherine Frank supported this information. She claimed that Mathai himself suppressed the “She” chapter before the memoir’s launch. The reasons behind his decision remain unknown.

An unverified version of the “She” chapter has circulated on the internet. The text narrates how M.O. Mathai met Indira Gandhi in her ancestral home in 1945. From giving her driving lessons to falling in love, their relationship allegedly lasted 12 years before ending after Indira’s indiscretions with a young Brahmachari. Yoga guru Dhirendra Brahmachari was Indira Gandhi's yoga teacher and her rumoured companion. 

This controversial missing chapter—“She”—was written by her alleged lover, M.O. Mathai, who was best known for his undying loyalty to Prime Minister Nehru.

Mathai described Indira as a manly woman with a conceited personality but with unhappiness written all over her face. He admired her beauty, comparing her nose to Queen Cleopatra’s and her eyes to Princess Pauline Bonaparte’s.

In the autumn of 1946, when Indira was pregnant with her second child, Sanjay Gandhi, whom Mathai referred to as an unwanted child, she wanted Mathai to give her driving lessons in the small Austin car gifted by her father. Mathai refused, worrying about her safety in the late stages of pregnancy. After giving birth to Sanjay, she resumed driving lessons with Mathai and eventually mastered her skills.

See Also: The Unpublished ‘She’ Chapter of 'Reminiscences of the Nehru Age' Explores the Indira Gandhi–Mathai Love Affair

Mathai wrote that Indira did not like small cars and enjoyed taking him out for long drives. During these drives, Indira confessed her feelings for Mathai, telling him, “You do not love me.” Mathai replied that he had not thought about it yet. By 1947, however, he realized that Indira had fallen in love with him because her face would suddenly brighten whenever she saw him.

Indira, who maintained a tough exterior in public, softened after meeting Mathai. She began sharing her grievances with him, particularly about her husband Feroze’s infidelity. She told Mathai about her personal belongings that went missing and later appeared with women allegedly close to her husband.

After hearing this, Mathai understood where their relationship was heading. He made it clear that he did not want to get involved with a married woman and that his loyalty to Nehru prevented him from engaging with her.

According to Reminiscences of the Nehru Age, Indira confessed that she no longer had any association with her husband. She told Mathai, “I can no longer bear the thought of his touching me,” and grew furious when Mathai mentioned her father. She snapped, “Am I a minor?”

Thus began Indira Gandhi–MO Mathai affair.

According to Reminiscences of the Nehru Age, on 18 November 1947, Indira kissed Mathai on the lips and confessed, “I want to sleep with you; take me to the wilds tomorrow evening.” In his book, Mathai detailed the private aspects of their 12-year-long relationship. Mathai went on to write in his book that on one of her (Indira) birthdays, he found Indira's breast milk unpleasant, implying that he had consumed it. 

He expressed that Indira combined the qualities of both “French women and Kerala Nair women” in sexual acts. She preferred prolonged kissing but did not require frequent sex. Though she appeared tough in public, in private she posed differently. Mathai wrote that she was exceptionally good in bed, though he never felt fully satisfied. Mathai, inexperienced with women, confessed he did not know much about sex.

He described how her jealousy sometimes overwhelmed her. Once, when a “fat family friend” greeted Mathai with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, Indira grew so jealous that she tried to keep the friend away from him. After that, she refused to let Mathai touch her if he had touched the woman.

See Also: How the Romance Between an Intern and the President Unravelled: The Clinton-Lewinsky Scandal

As their relationship deepened, they gave each other nicknames. Indira enjoyed receiving them and called Mathai “Bhupat, the dacoit,” while Mathai called her “Putli, the dacoitess.” Indira wanted Mathai to tell her he loved her as often as possible, though not during lovemaking. By this time, Mathai had fallen deeply in love with her.

Their relationship grew increasingly personal and emotional. One night, while drinking her usual glass of milk, Indira discovered some powder in it. She suspected poisoning and spat it out. She told Mathai that she had seen Feroze leaving her room. Relieved by his presence, she hugged Mathai and said, “Oh, Mackie, I love you; I am so glad you came up.”

Indira and MO Mathai even travelled abroad together. Mathai wrote that Indira could not contain her excitement when they saw Mont Blanc. Later, Indira allegedly became pregnant by Mathai in her fifties. She took her younger son to her ancestral home, where she secretly had an abortion. When she returned, she claimed that the boy’s speech defect, which had prevented him from pronouncing the letter R, had been cured naturally.

Although they kept their relationship secret, many people suspected it. Mathai claimed that Nehru knew about the affair. Whenever Nehru returned from outings and had to meet Indira, he would call her up to his study, aware of her closeness to Mathai.

The affair allegedly ended in the winter of 1958, when Mathai found Indira with a tall, young Brahmachari. Although Indira explained that the man was only giving her yoga lessons, Mathai broke off their relationship, returning all her passionate letters. He later referred to her as his “deadly enemy.”

Katherine Frank, in her biography of Indira, also described Indira’s closeness to a young Brahmachari. In a letter to Dorothy Norman, her confidant, Indira mentioned the Brahmachari’s “magnificent body” and her yoga lessons with him.

After his breakup with Indira, Mathai wrote that Feroze and Indira reconciled during his final years. He called this narrative a “horrendous belief,” claiming it was fabricated to improve Indira’s image among the public.

Though the affair rumours were never officially clarified, B.K. Nehru, former ambassador to the US, hinted to Katherine Frank that they might have been true. He suggested that the missing chapter from Mathai’s memoir contained “more facts than fiction.” Frank believed Mathai wrote “She” and alleged that Maneka Gandhi later circulated the missing chapter online.

The story of romance that spiraled from the missing chapter written by M.O. Mathai might have many loose ends. His memoir, containing the missing chapter, allegedly reached her the same year as his death.

In 1981, former Information Bureau (IB) chief T.V. Rajeswar got hold of the missing chapter when the then Tamil Nadu Chief Minister M.G. Ramachandran gave it to him. Rajeswar took it without saying anything and it is believed that he later handed the copy to Indira Gandhi. [Rh/VS]

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